A Rant From the Past

Is it quite possible to love someone you barely know?

Well of course, I mean, I know it's possible, but really... am I capable? I have only known him for like two months. There is just no way. But those butterflies... I can feel their wings and their whimsical music fills my stomach like a blown out speaker from my crappy car. It can't be 'love', that word is overplayed. It's what an English teacher would call a 'dead' word. Like the words 'good' and 'happy'. I've always loved English. Ha there I said it 'loved'. Maybe the word 'lust'. Yeah, it's just lust... L-U-S-T. Hmm. "Lust. n. an intense sexual desire". No. Not that one. It's there but it's lacking... lacking a truth beyond those letter clusters. Infatuation. Hmmm, perhaps that's the word. 'Infatuation. n. the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love.'

How is it possible one word can define so much and be so precise to the very detail of my own body chemicals that give feeling towards this man? This gorgeous, intellectual, captivating man. Is it foolish for me to feel so quickly about another person or is it a sublime utopia of a world that the world has hidden from me 'til now? And why now? Is there even such thing as a reason for everything? Sometimes I think it's an excuse for optimists to fall back on. But don't optimists stand for things? They would never need something to fall on. My glass is clean. Not half full, not half empty. It's clean. What does that make me?

You know the song, "It's a Small World After All" ? Sorry if I got it in your head, it's clingy and creepy. The man I am 'infatuated' with, plays over and over in my mind. Just like that song. Only instead of it being satiating, it's soothing. Like a lullaby. Only I get insomnia, not a dream where I could try to feel close to him like I once was.

That's the reason for these rants.