The Onion inspired article

State officials in Florida issue "Age Decals"

February 15, 2011

ORLANDO--The Traffic division for the state of Florida has issued a new policy on all cars, age decals. An "age decal" is a sticker that must be placed on all cars that states the driver's age, clearly, and be updated within 1 week of a new age.

In order to receive the age decal, a resident of Florida with a driver's license must present his or her birth certificate to any local DMV. The cost of the decal is $45.50 and comes in an assortment of appealing colors of the driver's choice. The decal must be purchased and placed on the back of the car next to the left of the vehicle's license plate within the week of the driver's birth date. Failure to do so will consequent in a fine of $91.00, double the amount of the actual decal.

"This should speed up the process for many drivers on the roads in Florida and improve an officer's judgement on when he or she should pull the traffic violator over. To put it simple, I don't know why I didn't think of it 10 years ago", says Officer Brantley of Orange County.

Officer Brantley has been on the force for the past 24 years and is almost a Deputy of his division. Brantley feels that with this new age decal policy, he'll be able to achieve that title within as little as 3 weeks.

"With these decal stickers, I'll know the reckless, the slow and the green horns," said Brantley. "Hell, I'll catch 'em all before they even know they are violating the law."

Designed not only to enforce the law at a more efficient status, the new policy will also protect the drivers of the road. The age decal permits the knowledge of knowing how the driver next to them will perform on the road.

Nancy Gardner, 32, of Orange County is thrilled with the course of action. "I just can't wait to be able to pass through traffic and not get so angry anymore," Gardner states. "My anger management therapist thinks this will help with my 'road rage' because I can legitimize substantial reasons for terrible drivers."

With the new policy being heavily advocated by law enforcers and even the drivers of the road themselves, Florida is expecting great things to come from the age decal.

--Colleen Ladd